Sunflowers We Leave Behind
by Jezebel74
Summary: This story begins in the Marauders Era, but will most probably lead further. Aerwyna fears to lose her best friend, who had promised her something, when they were still kids, but Lily Evans seems to make him forget. Aerwyna decides to let go an become herself, but there is something, she can't change. How she feels about Severus Snape. M for lemons in later chapters and swearing
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guy, did you miss me? ;)**

**I have been playing with this little idea for a while now and am not quite sure, if I will leave it to a simple one-shot or make it a new story!**  
**So I decided, I'd just throw it out to you and see what happens ;)  
Please review to tell me what you think and if I should make a story out of it!**

**I own nothing, but my OC's and make no money from it, etc...**

**Hope you enjoy,**  
**Lots of Love, Jez**

* * *

It would probably be the last warm day of the year. The leaves were already showing all different kinds of autumn colours and the sunbeams have become lazy.  
A girl about seven sat cross-legged in the grass, a sunflower in hands.  
The sunlight highlighted the sharp features of her face. Although she was a child her face offered almost no softness. That was except for her eyes.  
They were a smooth sea blue, warm and bright.

The girl flinched when something behind her cracked. She spun around, her hands on the ground, grasping the sunflower, and was about to sprint away, when she recognized the boy in front of her. She relaxed visibly and turned around again.

The boy sat down beside her and pointed at the flower, which she was still holding in a tight grasp: "Where did you get this?"

"Mrs Dollywood's garden", she said matter-of-factly.

The boy smirked: "You remember, what she said last time she caught you? That she would go to your mother?"

The girl shrugged her shoulders: "Doesn't matter. I get into trouble anyways."

He looked at her unsure of what to do as she avoided his eye. Finally he laid his arm around her shoulder, staring at the ground. She leaned into the embrace.

"Severus?", she whispered.

"Hmhm", he hummed.

"Would you promise me something?", she looked up at him.

"Of course, Aerwyna", he looked down at her, the corners of his mouth twitching.

"Would you promise to never leave me?", her voice was soft, quiet.  
The boy stared down at her for a moment. Finally he answered: "I promise."

"Aerwyna!", a harsh voice cut through the air.

"Oh oh", the girl sighed and jumped to her feet.

"Severus!", a deeper but no less harsh voice followed.

"Double oh oh", the boy rolled his eyes and got to his feet.

The children exchanged a look.  
The boy's father was the first to find them.

"There you are! I found them, Sophie", he yelled the last words across his shoulder.

He grabbed the boy by his shirt and hissed: "It's far past one, what did I tell you last time you missed lunch?"

But he didn't wait for an answer. Instead he dragged the boy behind him as he strode.

As the girl watched the tall man almost carry his son away, she didn't notice her mother until she felt a hand tighten around her upper arm. The girl let out a sharp breath, then turned around to face her mother's cold eyes.

"Do you embarrass me on purpose?", the woman growled and the girl saw her shooting one of _the looks_ at the leaving man's back.

"No, mum", she tried to keep her voice as steady as possible.

"Let's go. No more wandering about for you", her mother stated, straightened herself and made an attempt to drag her daughter along, just like the boy's father had done before her.

But then she turned again and nodded to the flower in the little girl's hand:

"You don't think I will let you take this home, do you?"

The girl looked down at the sunflower, tears trying to whelm.  
She let it drop to the floor. When she followed her mother, she threw a glance back at the bright yellow.

* * *

_**Three Years Later**_

Aerwyna ran down the little hill that was situated between the house she lived in with her mother and Spinner's End. She slowed her pace as soon as Severus' place came into view.

She laid her hands on one of the window sills and pushed herself up to glance through the glass.  
Severus was sitting on his bed, his nose buried in a book.  
Aerwyna grinned to herself and tapped the glass lightly. Severus' head shot up immediately.

The corners of his mouth twitched lightly when he got off his bed and opened the window.  
She let herself drop to the ground and looked up at him. She was still short for her age.

"Ey, Wyna, did nobody ever tell you not to stare through windows?", he smirked.

Aerwyna could hear loud voices coming from the next room.

"Come out here!", she commanded. He bit his lip, threw a glance back, but then he climbed out and landed on the ground beside her.

"There's somebody I need to introduce you to!", his eyes were gleaming with excitement that was completely new to her.

"Who is it?", she asked slightly suspicious.

"I… met her while you were at your father's", he said.

She cocked her head and forced a smile: "You sound excited."

"She is great!", now a real grin spread on his face.

Aerwyna bit her lip, but nodded and both started to make their way to the playground.

"So how was it at your father's?", Severus asked and looked at her profile.

"Oh, fine. Not particularly thrilling. I met my cousins though. That was fun", she answered.

"How was getting back?", he asked carefully.

Her face froze. The question might seem strange to any other person, but for the two of them, it was an essential one.

"Like every other time. She's happy for two hours to 'have me back', as she calls it, but then she gets all the same again."

Severus said nothing.  
They remained silent for a few more minutes.

As soon as the playground came into view she saw his eyes lighting up.

"She said, she would be here in around half an hour", he smiled.

"When did she say that?", Aerwyna asked as she sat down on one of the swings.

"Yesterday", he said.

"So you meet every day?"

"Almost. Whenever I make it to sneak away."

Aerwyna bit her lip again. She would rather swallow a broomstick than admit it to him, but she felt jealousy grasp her heart.

"What do you think, will you get an owl for birthday?", she asked and smiled weakly.

"No, my dad said, he wouldn't be able to cope with the noise", Severus sighed.

"Sevvie", she said and grinned when he grimaced at her nickname for him, "Wanna play tag?"

But her question did go unheard as Severus jumped from his swing and yelled: "Lily!"

Aerwyna saw shining red hear and piercing green eyes. She pressed her lips together and stood up herself.

The girl smiled unsure at her: "Hi, I'm Lily."

"My name's Aerwyna", she answered.

"Oh, another weird name!", Lily blurted out.

Aerwyna's eyes narrowed, the girl blushed immediately.

"S-Sorry, I didn't mean to… uh", she stuttered.

"It's fine", Aerwyna said coldly.

"So… You parents are magical, I guess?", Lily asked and tried a smile.

Aerwyna spun around and glared at Severus: "You _told_ her?"

"It's alright. She's a witch herself. Her parents are muggles though", he answered and rolled his eyes at her reaction.

She turned and stared at the girl. After a few moments she said: "My father's a wizard, my mother's muggle. I am living with her, because they got divorced, when I was five."

"Oh, I-I'm sorry", Lily blushed deeper.

"It's not your fault is it?", Aerwyna spat.

"Wyna", Severus cut in.

She threw a glare at him. As neither him nor the redhead spoke, she approached the swing again and sat down. Nearly immediately Severus began babbling.

Her eyes narrowed as she watched the other girl's hair wave in the soft breeze.  
She grabbed a strand of her own hair and stared at the dark brown colour for a moment.

The girl was laughing and she beamed with something, Aerwyna knew she would always lack. Lily was confident and warm in the most natural way.  
Aerwyna knew, that if she would be spending more time with her, the girl would grow dear to her heart.  
She however was a girl, whose mother neglected most of the time, because she was not the man's child her mother was in love with since years.


	2. Becoming You

**Hey you out there! I didn't really get much feedback on the first chapter, but there was one person, who added this to her favourites.  
I want to thank nightworldangel! This chapter's for you**

**To all of you out there: Please, ****_please_**** give me some feedback!**

**P.S.: I did some research to find out, who went to school during the Marauder's era. It took some time and I'm still not quite sure about it, but I hope you will all forgive me.**

**I own nothing, etc. etc...**

**Lots of Love,  
Jez**

* * *

Month after month had passed and Aerwyna and Lily made it to become friends, mostly because the redheaded girl was someone, you couldn't spend time with and not fall for.  
And Severus made sure they were seeing a lot of each other.  
Although she had become her friend and Aerwyna would miss the girl dearly should they part ways one day, she envied her with every fibre of her being.  
Everything Lily did came naturally to her and she had Severus twisted around her little finger without even being aware of it.

* * *

Finally their first day of school came and Aerwyna was waiting at the train station for either Lily to finish her fight with her sister or for Severus to arrive.  
She was waiting alone as her mother had refused to go with her. She felt the familiar stinging pain in her chest and behind her eyes.

**_"Mum, I need my wand", she had whispered a few hours ago._**

**_"You will get it as soon as you step out of that door", her mother didn't even look up from the paper she was reading.  
Aerwyna nodded and turned to leave the sitting room, when her mother's voice made her freeze in her move:  
"But if you keep wandering this path, darling, there will be the day you are no longer welcome in my house. You got that?"_**

**_Aerwyna threw a short glance back and whispered: "Yes."_**

She took her wand from her pocket and stared at the dark ebony wood.  
Suddenly someone slapped her shoulder quite painfully.

"Ouch!", she yelped and spun around to see Severus smirking at her. She threw herself at him and tickled him to the ground.

A voice behind them said: "Hi Aerwyna."

Both looked up to see Lily standing there, her face emotionless. She didn't even look at Severus. Without a glance back she made her way to the train.

"What did you do, you moron?", Aerwyna shrieked and slapped the back of his head.

"Oui, nothing!", he exclaimed, threw her from him and ran after Lily.

Aerwyna got up, shaking her head and followed them rather slowly, because she didn't feel the slightest urge to experience their fight at first hand.  
When she made her way through the train she stared at the floor glancing up shyly from time to time. Suddenly she saw feet right in front of her and nearly bumped into someone.

Their gazes locked, what caused the girl in front of her to grin. She folded her arms over her chest: "Well, well, another first year."  
Somewhere in her mind a voice was screaming at Aerwyna to get the hell away from her, because one thing was for sure: that girl was up to no good.  
Her hair was bright blonde with golden streaks and a rather snobbish attitude clung to her.

"Can you speak?", the taller girl asked sharply.

Aerwyna straightened and balled her fists: "Yes, indeed. My name is Aerwyna Rivers."

"And what's your blood status, Aerwyna Rivers?", the girls grin grew wider.

"I don't know how _that_ would be any of _your_ business. Besides I think it's quite impolite to force somebody to introduce himself and to not have at least the decency to introduce yourself", Aerwyna spat.

The girl's grin grew even wider if that was possible: "You are so going to become a Gryffindor. Well, I will introduce myself to make sure, you know your future worst nightmare. My name is Narcissa Black. Make sure to remember that."

She stepped back to let Aerwyna pass. The younger girl felt her stare in her neck until she heard the door of a compartment close.

Aerwyna sighed and threw a glance back. Another compartment door opened revealing Lily and Severus. She hurried towards them: "Guys!"

Snicker could be heard from the compartment they just had left until Lily threw it shut, an annoyed expression on her face.

"I just had the creepiest meeting of all times!", Aerwyna said, shaking her head.

"Get in line", Lily muttered, jerking her head towards the door.

They managed to find a compartment, which they shared with two girls.  
Mary Macdonald and Alice Fortescue were first years like themselves and Lily started a conversation easily, but Aerwyna stayed out of it, just like Severus. But she noticed, that it was mostly because he was too occupied with staring at the redhead.

Aerwyna furrowed her brows and spent the rest of the train ride staring out of the window and turning her wand in her hands.

* * *

The night was warm and cloudless, the stars twinkled above them while they were carried by boats across the black, shimmering lake.  
The castle wasn't comparable to anything Aerwyna had seen so far. The entrance door was gigantic, the building rearing up to the night sky.

The first years had to wait in a room until all the other students had taken their seats in the Great Hall. Aerwyna was kneading her hands, Severus stared at the wall as if trying to burn a hole into it, another boy beside Aerwyna had turned a bright colour of green.

Just when Lily let out a nervous giggle at what Mary MacDonald had said, the door opened and the rather strict woman, who had hushed them in the room before, told them to follow her so the sorting could start. The Great Hall was huge, the four house tables lined up, the staff table right at the back and the stars twinkling above them all.

Aerwyna couldn't tear her eyes away from the night sky. It seemed to her as if she had never seen such a clear, beautiful night before. The hall was beaming with excitement, she could feel her chest tighten, her heart beating on an unbelievable speed.

The strict looking woman, Professor McGonagall as she had introduced herself, took a scroll out of her pocket, after she had carried a stool with three legs in front of the line.

"I will call you up and you will sit down on the chair and put on the Sorting Hat. As soon as he exclaims your house, you take a seat at the certain table", she said, holding up an old, worn hat.

She lifted the scroll, reading the first line and exclaimed:

"Bertram Aubrey."

A tiny looking boy with pale brown hair stumbled forwards, stretched out his shaking hands to put on the hat and sat down.

A few seconds later, the brim gaped open and the hat yelled: "Ravenclaw!"

One of the tables burst into claps and yells of enthusiasm as the students welcomed Bertram to their house.

"Davey Gudgeon."

This boy was the tallest in the row of first years.  
He sat remarkably longer on the chair than Bertram Aubrey.

Finally the hat exclaimed: "Slytherin!"

"Alice Fortescue."

The shorter one of the girls, who we had been in a compartment with them walked forward.  
Aerwyna lost track, while she felt her own nervousness take over. Her heart was beating so fast, as if it attempted to flee from its cage.  
Her mother wouldn't care, which house she would be sorted into.

Her father had been a Ravenclaw. He would care. What if she was too dumb to become a Ravenclaw? What if she wasn't studious enough? Surely it wouldn't be too bad, if she would become a Gryffindor, but what if-

Suddenly Professor McGonagall's voice shook her out of her trance: "Lily Evans."

She noticed Lily's insecure look, before the hat slid down beneath her ears.

It didn't take the hat long to decide, where to put her, but Aerwyna would always remember the scowl on Severus' face at that moment, as the hat yelled: "Gryffindor!"

Lily threw a look back at us. A weak smile flashed across her face.  
Mary MacDonald was the next to be sorted into Gryffindor. The table went wild.

"Aerwyna Rivers."

Her heart skipped a beat as she felt every pair of eyes in the hall on her.  
Lily's warm smile was the last thing she saw before the hat covered her eyes.  
At the sight of her face, her sparkling eyes and bright smile, one thought crossed Aerwyna's mind.

_I am nothing like her._

She clenched her fists at her sides and squeezed her eyes shut. Suddenly a voice shrilled in her ears:

"Quite bitter for your age, eh? You don't forget easily, do you? I see a lot of slyness, a lot of rage is boiling under the surface. You are in need of stability, a stable background, people you can rely on. You feel the need to let go and let your true self take over, but you fear, that you could lose those, who you call friends. The decision is all yours. Do you want to spend your live in the back ground, in the shadows and never let go? You would do honourable things, but nobody would ever know. Or you decide to become yourself."

Her eyes remained close as her thoughts began to race.

_I don't know, if I'm strong enough._

"You decide, if you want to take the risk."

Her mind went blank. Then one thing clicked into place: _I can't run away forever._

The hat was silent for a moment. Then it exclaimed: "Slytherin!"

She pulled it off her head, her eyes flickered to Lily. Slight shock and sadness crossed her features. Aerwyna walked to the table that had started to cheer.

She didn't even look at the people, who sat beside her. She stared at the row, her nerves stretched to the breaking point.  
Two more kids were sorted into Hufflepuff, Emily Stanton and Theodore Drade. Then it was Severus' turn. He sat a long time on the stool, not as long as Aerwyna had, but much longer than Lily. Aerwyna couldn't tear her eyes away from him.

Finally the brim opened and the hat yelled: "Slytherin!"

Her heart jumped, her chest burned with heat as Severus turned his back to the Gryffindor table and walked towards her, sitting down beside her. They remained silent for the rest of the Sorting Ceremony.


	3. Friends and Strangers

**Hey guys!**  
**I want to thank NobodyLikeMe, who wrote my first review! I'm really sorry, for the mistakes! English is not my first language. :( **  
**I'll try to get better! Thank you so much for your support!**  
**Also another big thank you to Color me Cruel and the dark god!**

**I hope, you will enjoy this chapter!**

**As always, tell me what you think, if you read this! :)**

**Lot's of love,**  
**Jez**

* * *

"First years follow me!", a tall, platinum blonde boy yelled across the crowd.

Severus hadn't said a word to Aerwyna throughout the whole feast. Now he went by her side, his gaze glued to the floor.

"It's not like she's out of the world, Sevvie", she nudged him.

"Don't you understand? We are in Slytherin, she's in Gryffindor! We are _supposed_ to be enemies!", he blurted out.

"Just because you are supposed to do something, that doesn't mean you can't decide differently", she mumbled.

They were right behind the prefect, who was leading the way to their common room, when someone hurried over to Aerwyna and patted her back. She turned and recognized the blonde girl from the train.

"Well done", the girl grinned at her.

"What?", Aerwyna was confused.

"You made it into Slytherin. Whatever you may have heard of the house, we _always_ stick together, so if there's someone, who causes trouble or keeps annoying you, you can always come to me", she sounded quite sincere.

"I don't understand. Just a few hours ago, you told me, that you would make my life hell!", Aerwyna stared at her.

"But she didn't know your house by then", the prefect turned and was walking backwards now.

"Since second grade Narcissa picks a first year to bully throughout the school year", he laughed, "My name is Lucius Malfoy by the way."

"That's the only way to relax for me", the blonde girl smirked.

"Really? The _only_ way?", the prefect winked at her.

Aerwyna and Severus exchanged looks.

The Slytherin common room was located in the dungeons, the entrance behind a part of the stone wall that looked like any other.

"The password is Phineas", Lucius told the first years.

The wall parted to reveal the entrance and let them in.  
Green was obviously the dominating colour of their common room. It was cool, distant.  
The furniture was straight-lined and dark.

"The boy's dormitories are on the left- follow those stairs down, the girl's dormitories are right here at the front also downstairs", Lucius explained.

Aerwyna waved Severus good night, but he didn't even look at her. She scowled.

She arrived with the other three girls in the dormitory to see each of their trunks in front of one of the beds. Although they were most certainly below ground level, there was a large window opposite the entrance door. The stars sparkled at them, but Aerwyna didn't feel comforted at the sight. She felt her stomach turn.  
Without a word to the others she went towards her trunk and pushed it open with her foot.

Just when she had grabbed her pyjamas a voice behind her rung out:  
"My whole family had been in Slytherin, that's how I know, that the common room is located right beneath the lake."

Aerwyna turned to look at the girl, who had just spoken.  
She was the tallest of them, with light brown, short hair. She seemed quite stuck-up.

The girl noticed her looking at them and said: "Hey you, what's your name?"

The scowl returned to Aerwyna's face: "Aerwyna Rivers."

But the girl surprised her. She walked over and stretched her hand out towards her, smiling quite warmly: "I am Imogen Boid."

Aerwyna let the scowl drop and grabbed her hand to shake it.  
The other two girls had approached them, similar smiles plastered on their faces.

As Aerwyna looked at them, she noticed some more similarities in their features, although the left one's hair was dirty blonde, while the right one's hair was the colour of mahogany.

The right one was the first to speak: "My name is Twyla Clarks and that's my sister Joline."

She grabbed Aerwyna's hand, her smile grew a little wider.  
Joline was shorter than her sister, even shorter than Aerwyna.

Each of them changed into their pyjamas and got into their beds.

"Aerwyna?", Imogen called; she occupied the bed right beside Aerwyna's.

"Um hmm?", Aerwyna answered suppressing a yawn.

"What's your family history?", the girl didn't seem too nosy, just curious.

"My father was a Ravenclaw", Aerwyna looked over at her.

Joline and Twyla were both supporting their heads on their hands, following the conversation.

"And your mother?", Imogen pressed her.

Aerwyna hesitated, then answered: "I don't talk about my mother."

The dormitory was silent for a moment. Aerwyna didn't really care, but turned onto her side and closed her eyes. She could hear the others whisper for a while until she drifted off to sleep.

* * *

The next morning she woke before the others and rushed into the bathroom to shower and brush her teeth. Afterwards she found herself in the common room, that was rather empty, except for some older students. She considered waiting for Severus, but then she remembered his attitude last evening towards her and decided to try her luck and search for the great hall and have breakfast.

She made her way through the stone wall and then towards the stairs, that led up. She was walking slowly, because she guessed, that she had plenty of time as there was still nobody else in sight and she didn't want to get lost on her first day on the way to breakfast.

It took her about twenty minutes to reach the Great Hall.  
The first few steps towards the table, she was walking with her head down, avoiding to catch a stranger's eye.

Suddenly a thought hit her like lightning and she stopped in midstride.  
_Do you want to spend your live in the back ground, in the shadows and never let go?_

She lifted her chin slowly and let her gaze travel.  
The sunlight was bright as only a few clouds wandered across the sky.  
A small smile crept onto Aerwyna's face.

There were about ten other students at the Slytherin's table.  
She took a seat near a boy with strawberry blonde hair she hadn't seen the day before.  
As she poured herself a glass of pumpkin juice, she caught a glimpse of his head moving.

"Hi", he said and smiled at her.

"Hi", she answered, but swallowed down her shyness and continued: "I'm Aerwyna. What's your name?"

The boys smile grew: "Oliver Wilkes. How does it feel to be a Hogwarts student?"

"Different", Aerwyna said and the boy laughed.

The hall filled up while they continued their conversation.  
Oliver was in his second year and had a sister, who had graduated last year.

"She was one of Slughorn's dear ones", he rolled his eyes and chuckled.

"Whose what?", Aerwyna furrowed her brows.

"He's the head of our house and the Potions Master", Oliver explained.

"What is he like?", she asked slightly anxious.

"He's quite alright. There are two different kinds of students. Those, who he loves, and those, he doesn't care about. If there's something special about you, like a great talent for a subject or Quidditch, he might invite you to the Slug Club. That's the club he created for his favourite students.

If you don't have such a talent or he doesn't notice it, he won't notice you either. It might happen, that you graduate and he still can't remember your name", Oliver said.

"I don't know, if I wanna be a slug", Aerwyna wrinkled her nose.

Oliver broke out laughing and Aerwyna looked at the staff table.

"Oliver, could you tell me the teacher's names and their subjects?", she asked.

"Of course! Right in the middle is Professor Dumbledore, the headmaster. He's fair and _really_ smart. But there are a lot of Slytherins, who don't like him.  
Right beside him, the woman with the strict face, is Professor McGonagall, but I'm sure you remember her from yesterday. She teaches Transfiguration and is Gryffindor's head of house.  
Next to her is Professor Kettleburn, the teacher for Care of Magical Creatures. That's a subject you get to choose after second year.  
The next two also teach subjects, you get to pick- for Arithmancy it's Professor Euler and Professor Babbling for Ancient Runes.  
On the other side of Dumbledore sits Professor Flitwick the teacher of Charms and Ravenclaw's head of house. Next to him Professor Sprout for Herbology and Hufflepuff's head of house.

And the last one up there is Professor Irwing, he teaches Divination", he finished his sermon and grinned at Aerwyna's slightly confused face.

"I have to study _Divination_?", she asked startled.

"No! I'm sorry, you also got to pick it", he laughed.

"Thank God", she murmured.

"It's not that bad", he said.

"You say that because you chose it, am I right?", she grinned.

"Sharp mind", he chuckled.

Just when she started to feel comfortable around him, she saw Severus and Lily entering the hall. They were whispering towards each other. Her stomach clenched.  
Then someone tapped her shoulder and she turned to see an enormous man in front of her.

He could knock her off the bank with his belly.

"Hello, dear, I am Professor Slughorn, Potions Master and head of your house. This is your time table", he smiled, handed her a piece of parchment and walked over to the next first year.

Aerwyna started to read, Oliver leaning over to read with her.

_**Monday**__- first lesson: Potions- Slytherin/Gryffindor_


	4. About Talents and Envy

**Hey guys! I know, it's been a while, but I must confess, that I lost motivation for a time being, but now I'm fully in again!**  
**I hope you will enjoy this chapter!**  
**As always, PLEASE leave a review!**  
**And I want to thank everybody, who is currently following this story or favourited it! Thanks for your support! :)**

**So do as you please, but let me know you are out there ;)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or the world or anything! Just my OC's.**  
**Additionally in this I mention the Quintaped, which is also a creation of J.K. Rowling (author-goddess, genius, etc.)**  
**You can find the story of the Quintaped in 'Phantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them'!**

**Lots of Love,**  
**Jez**

* * *

"That doesn't look right, does it?", Aerwyna sighed and Joline burst into giggles as she saw her Hiccoughing Solution.

"It should be yellow at this point", Lily leaned across the table and peeked into Aerwyna's cauldron.

"I _know_", Aerwyna hissed.

Lily leaned back, rolling her eyes at Severus.  
Aerwyna was boiling with rage by now.

It was Wednesday and they were currently sitting in their second Potions class. It had turned out in their first one on Monday, that Lily had a God-given talent for this particular subject, just like Severus.

But Aerwyna had to fight around, because she _sucked_.

"Miss Rivers, is this your attempt at brewing the Hiccoughing Solution?", Professor Slughorn hovered over her.

"Umm, I guess", Aerwyna sighed, avoiding his gaze.

The lesson ended with extra homework for her and Joline, who turned out as untalented as Aerwyna, and five minutes of praise speech for Lily and Severus.

The Gryffindors and Slytherins parted ways in the Entrance Hall.  
The Slytherin first years made their way up to the DADA class room, the Gryffindors outside for Herbology.

Aerwyna stamped grumpily beside Joline, Imogen and Twyla, while Severus was occupied with a conversation with Evan Rosier about all the things, they would be learning in Defence.

Professor Arleen Quaster was a tall witch with a deep voice and warm brown eyes. She looked fragile, as if a single knock could break her in two.  
She started the lesson with a speech about her subject and about what they should know and be able to perform by the end of this school year.

Aerwyna found her anger be replaced with excitement as she listened to her.  
She couldn't wait to learn more about defeating dangerous creatures as well as dark curses.

Professor Quaster continued by telling the legend of the Quintapeds, a five-legged creature, which is resident on the Island Drear and is- according to the legend- a former dynasty of wizards and witches, who were transformed by their enemies.

When there was only half an hour left, they formed pairs and practised the tickle curse.

"Remember to form an exact circle with your wand! I said _exact_, Mr Mulciber!", Professor Quaster exclaimed, "Five minutes left! One last try!"

Aerwyna and Severus both yelled: "Rictusempra!"

Their curses flew past each other and hit both of them right in their guts.  
They broke down on the floor, giggling and laughing uncontrollably.

Professor Quaster smiled as she released them and said: "Very good, the two of you. For homework practise the charm, we will continue next time. Good afternoon."

Severus helped Aerwyna to stand up and she wiped away the tear, that was rolling down her cheek from laughing.  
He grinned at her and patted her shoulder, lightly pushing her out of the class room.

For a little moment she could forget, that she wasn't his only friend anymore. The one and only, who could make him smile on grey days. Her heart warmed, when she looked up into his dark eyes, that held the twinkle, that was reserved for Lily nowadays. To know, that she could still be the cause of that little light gave her hope.

* * *

Within the next few weeks Aerwyna noticed, that Lily and herself kept drifting apart.  
Lily was not nearly as enthusiastic about DADA as Aerwyna was, but kept talking about the potions, she hoped they would study soon.

To be able to keep up with both Severus and Lily, Aerwyna spent most of her free time with Potions, but that meant that she neglected her other subjects. DADA fell by the wayside by time.

During Christmas Holidays Severus and Aerwyna staid at Hogwarts while Lily drove home to her family.  
It was one of the many evenings Aerwyna hit her Potions books, Oliver by her side.

She had persuaded him to study with her. He started regretting it nearly right after he had agreed.

"Wy, please, can't we play chess or gobstone instead? Only today, I promise! It's nearly empty in here", he whined rubbing his eyes.

"No! I still don't get it! Why add the Belladonna first?", she pushed his upper arm to get his attention.

"I told you. Because-", he was cut off by a second year girl, who had stopped in front of their table and now sneered at them: "You shouldn't spent time on a lost case, Wilkes."

"What?", Aerwyna snarled at her.

"Well, some have it and some don't", the girl's grin grew wider.

Aerwyna rose, her fist balled around her wand.

"You think, you could hex me, don't you?", the girl giggled.

Aerwyna snapped and shrieked: "Petrificus Totalus!"

The grin froze on the girl's face, her body grew stiff and fell over.

"Wy!", Oliver jumped to his feet.

"Oops", Aerwyna stated lamely.

"Rivers!", a cold voice snapped. Oliver and Aerwyna jumped.

Narcissa Black stepped in front of them, her hands on her hips.

"Get you gone", she spat at Oliver, who threw a look at Aerwyna, but then ran off to the dormitories.

"Why did you do it?", Narcissa's voice had lost some of its coldness.

"Because I don't let someone push me around", the younger girl growled back.

Narcissa nodded slowly, her eyes never leaving her opposite.

"You should focus on your talents", she pointed at the Potions book and parchments spread out on the table, "and stop wasting your time with something you'll always be second choice for."

Narcissa could see how Aerwyna's whole body lost its tension from one second to the other. In front of her stood no longer a precocious teen, but the child, that she was.

"You are a Slytherin. Pride is part of our attitude- and not a minor one.  
But you need to know yourself first to be proud. Now off to your dormitory, or I'll inform Professor Slughorn about this incident", as soon as Narcissa had finished her sentence, Aerwyna turned on her heel and ran off as fast as she could.

The blonde smiled shortly as she gazed after her.  
Then she turned, looked down at Bridget Davis and sighed.

* * *

_I hope I'll be able to update soon! :)_  
_Please leave a review!_


	5. All alone in this World

**Thanks to those, who have added this story to their favourites or are currently following!**

**Please review, guys!**

**Lots of Love,  
Jez**

* * *

The sun was hidden behind a thin cover of clouds sending shadows across the grass.  
Lily, Severus and Aerwyna sat beneath the branches of an oak tree on the grounds, each of them a different school book in hands.

"Ey, Wyna, do you know how to harvest Puffapod?", Severus smirked at the dark haired girl in front of him.

She stuck her tongue out at him and he chuckled.

"Do you think your house will change after Narcissa Black has graduated?", Lily asked out of the blue.

Aerwyna stared at her, then hid her face behind her book to roll her eyes.

"Slytherin doesn't consist of Narcissa Black alone, Lil", Severus answered.

"I _am_ aware of that. But maybe our houses will get along better without her", Lily suggested.

"There will always be someone like her", Aerwyna said, stood up and turned to leave.

"Lunch?", she yelled across her shoulder.

"In a few minutes!", Lily shouted.

Aerwyna shook her head, slightly chuckling, mostly because she found Lily's stirring ridiculous.  
She stepped through the portal and was nearly knocked over by Sirius Black, who was jumping up and down yelling: "Show him, James!"

"Black, watch where you bounce!", she spat, then she spotted James Potter, alias walking trouble, pointing his wand at Davey Gudgeon.

"I-I don't want any problems", Davey raised his hands defensively.

Potter laughed, flicked his wand and Gudgeon crashed down on the floor.

"Ey!", Aerwyna yelled and drew her wand.

Black finally noticed her and sent a curse towards her.  
She ducked and shot one back, but then she heard the voices of her two best friends and heard two wands clatter as they hit the ground and Professor McGonagall exclaimed:

"What is going on here?"

Aerwyna straightened, threw a last hateful glance at Sirius Black, receiving one from him in return, and turned to look at the teacher.

"Potter attacked me, Professor!", Davey said.

"And so Miss Rivers and Mr Black barged in?", she asked, her eye brows raised higher than any Aerwyna had ever seen before.

"Professor, I wanted to help him as I saw no reason for Potter to-", Aerwyna started, but Black barged in: "You didn't know what was going on when you drew your wand!"

Everybody started to babble, so McGonagall raised her hands yelling: "Silence! Detention for everybody!"

"But Professor!", Lily exclaimed.

"I said everybody, Miss Evans", McGonagall cocked her head and left.

"Thank you so much, Aerwyna!", Lily yelled at the dark haired Slytherin.

"What have I got do with your detention?", she yelled back outraged, but Lily had already ran off.

"Can you believe this?", Aerwyna shouted at Severus pointing in the direction Lily left.

He simply shrugged his shoulders and walked away towards the dungeons, leaving her in the Entrance Hall.

* * *

**Three years later**

Aerwyna Rivers was seated in her dark armchair on the balcony, that belonged to her new flat in Magical London.  
She held a cup of coffee in one hand, a letter in the other. After she had finished reading, she sighed deeply, put the parchment down and took the prepared pipe from its holder.

It had been a present from Oliver for her fifteenth birthday two months ago. While visiting him and his family during winter holidays, she took a liking to smoking a pipe as his father let her try. A small smile curled her lips as she remembered the most joyful Christmas she had ever experienced.  
She lighted it, leant back in her armchair and closed her eyes.

**_Dear Aerwyna,_**

**_We are leaving England within the next two months.  
Rebecca suggested Hungary as a proper place to start a new life.  
You will be always welcome, if you decide to visit us.  
I am sorry, that it wasn't possible for me to tell you this personally, but I am sure, you will understand.  
You are a good girl, Wy, we both wish you the best._**

**_ Love,_**

**_Terrance & Rebecca_**

**__**Aerwyna took a breath, held it in for a moment and puffed, staring at the curling smoke.  
She felt completely alone in the world. Her family had left her entirely.  
A single tear escaped her as she took another drag.

* * *

_"Aerwyna", her mother's voice was cold, sharp enough to cut._

_"Yes, mother", the girl didn't look up at her._

_"Do you intend to keep wandering the path you started three years ago?", the mother stared down at her daughter._

_"Yes, mother", the girl's fists clenched._

_"Then you may no longer live in this house. I will give you enough money to live on your own. As soon as you will return next year from your so-called school, your things will be packed and you will be ready to leave."_

* * *

Aerwyna had finished her fourth year a month ago. Her mother didn't open the door to say good bye. All she found was an envelope with money.  
She had decided to rent a little flat in Diagon Alley for the summer. Its rent wouldn't charge her amount of money overly, but for the next year, she would have to find another solution.


	6. Fight on the Train

**Hey you out there!**  
**I owe this chapter to chinese food and coke haha ;)**

**I want to thank those, who have added the story to their favourites or are following this!**  
**But pleeaaasee I need some feedback, so if you have time write a short review or send me a message :/**  
**As always I own nothing except my made up characters!**

**Thanks to everyone, who reads this! :D**  
**Lots of Love**  
**Jez**

* * *

Aerwyna beamed at her packed trunks, that stood in the hallway.

Within the next two hours she would board the Hogwarts Express and meet her friends again. The summer had been quite lonely, since Lily and Severus hadn't been able to visit.

Oliver had checked on her a few times, but she missed the two none the less.

* * *

The train was chuffing smoke, children and parents, cats and owls crowded the platform.  
The loud noises made her heart leap for joy as she pushed through the crowd, searching for her friends.

Finally she spotted them.  
They walked towards the train, arms linked as Lily was laughing at something Severus had said. Aerwyna felt a twinge in her gut, but pushed the weird feeling aside and started to run, nearly knocking Lily over in the process.

"Wy!", she laughed and hugged her back. They swung on the spot both smiling.

Severus shook his head at the brown-haired girl.  
She jumped at him, nuzzling his neck.

"Wyna, you are tickling me!"

"On purpose", she smirked up at him.

"Aerwyna!", she spun around as at her name and squealed as she saw Oliver hurry towards them.

"How's my little basilisk?", he grinned at her as they hugged.

"Good, you stupid hippogriff", she countered and he laid his hand over his heart fake-hurt.

The four got on the train panting beneath the burden of their trunks.  
On their way Aerwyna saw Imogen Boid and the Clarks twins wave at her through the window of a compartment.

She pushed the door open: "Hey you! Are you waiting for someone?"

"You, silly!", Joline joked.

Aerwyna grinned and lifted her trunk on a tray.  
She was happy to see them. Although they weren't especially close they got along pretty well. She let herself fall on the seat next to Imogen:

"How was your summer?"

"I got Foxy for my fifteenth birthday!", she lifted a blanket from the basket next to her to reveal a black, lean cat.

"Oww!", Aerwyna reached out to let it sniff her fingers.

Oliver sat down next to her and she turned, smirking: "Don't you have any other friends?"

"Not since you occupy all my time", he shoved her with his shoulder, chuckling.

Aerwyna's gaze travelled to the door, where Lily and Severus stood glued to the spot.

"Umm, why don't you sit down?", she raised one eye brow at their behaviour.

"I think I'm going to search for Mary", Lily said and was gone.

"I go with her", Severus hurried after her.

"Puppies are not allowed at Hogwarts", Imogen muttered, staring after them.

Aerwyna felt the corners of her mouth twitch upwards at her comment.  
The next few hours flew by as they talked about the holidays.  
She remained silent most of the time, listening happily to the stories of the others.

Just as the sun started to set, they heard loud voices coming from the hallway.  
Aerwyna frowned and jumped up to push past Oliver. She sighed as she saw Potter, Black and Pettigrew standing in front of Severus, who had his back turned to her.

"I seriously hoped, you would give up on school, Snivellus. It is a hopeless endeavour, don't you think?", Potter smirked cruelly.

"Shut up, prat!", Aerwyna yelled at him, grabbing Severus' hand to pull him with her.

"Oh, Rivers, if I were you I would keep my mouth shut", his smirk grew wider.

"What are you talking about?", her anger grew with each second.

"My dad told me, your father quit at the ministry, because he's _moving_ to another _country_. Is he that ashamed of his Slytherin daughter? Well, I would be-", suddenly she had her wand drawn like Severus beside her.

There were curses through the air and she had Pettigrew flying off within seconds.  
Severus disarmed Black, while Potter stood shocked watching his companions succumb.

He drew his wand, but Aerwyna yelled: "Petrificus Totalus!"

He crashed to the ground and both her and Severus walked towards him.  
She pointed her wand at his throat, Severus at his face.

"_One_ wrong word, Potter", he growled.

"What is going on here?", they looked up to see Mary MacDonald staring at them, her new prefect badge flashing.

"Fuck", Aerwyna muttered, stuffing her wand.

"Twenty points from Slytherin! And I will report to your Head of House", she shrieked.

"Fine", Severus said, Aerwyna couldn't hep but grin at him.

They turned to go, but Mary's voice stopped them in their track: "Release him!"

"I'm sure you can handle that yourself", Aerwyna yelled across her shoulder.

They moved on and noticed all the students, that had left their compartments to watch the tumult.  
Aerwyna grinned, Severus smirked.  
He bowed and she winked.

When the door slipped shut behind them, they fell on two seats next to each other.  
Aerwyna grinned up at him.  
She knew, that they were in a hell lot of trouble, but she couldn't bring herself to care.  
She left it to Severus to talk to the others about the incident and looked out of the window, trying to sort out her feelings.

She felt fantastic.  
She felt like… _herself_.  
The words of the Speaking Hat crossed her minds.

_The decision is all yours. Do you want to spend your live in the back ground, in the shadows and never let go? You would do honourable things, but nobody would ever know. Or you decide to become yourself_

* * *

When they arrived at the carriages Lily joined them. Aerwyna was glad, until she realized that Lily's intention was to give them a lecture.

"… Professor Slughorn will give you detention for weeks! And we haven't even started the feast yet!"

"Calm down, Lily. It's not like you'll get detention. And by the way, Potter deserved it!", Aerwyna felt her anger return.

"I know, he's a jackass, but you don't need to lower yourself to his level!", Lily said.

"It's easy for you to talk. He leaves you alone", Aerwyna mumbled.

"You need to learn how to ignore him."

"It feels better this way."

Lily threw her arms in the air obviously clueless how to proceed.  
They had just entered the Great Hall and taken their seats as Slughorn exclaimed:

"Snape! Rivers! To my office _now_!"

"He knows my name, who would have imagined that", Aerwyna whispered, causing Severus to chuckle.

"What happened on the train?", Slughorn sat down behind his desk.

"We duelled Potter, Black and Pettigrew, Sir", Severus said.

"I heard, you just hexed them out of nowhere", the Head of Slytherin raised his eyebrows and folded his hands across his huge belly.

"They had their wands, but we had the moment of surprise", Aerwyna did all she could to hold back the smirk that threatened to slip.

"So… You against the three of them?"

"Yes, Sir", they said in unison.

"I'm impressed. Don't get me wrong, I don't appreciate your behaviour and you will be punished, but Rivers, I think I have to watch you a little closer. Maybe you have the Slug in you after all. Now go, we have to attend the feast."

As soon as they parted ways Aerwyna made a disgusted face: "Have the Slug in me?"

"Hey, I'm a Slug too!", Severus smirked.

"Yes, but you are a nerd", she grinned.

"I'm not!", he shoved her.

"Yes, you are!", she pushed back laughing.

They began to tickle each other, Aerwyna all the while giggling.

She felt her skin heat up whenever he touched her and butterflies made her stomach twist.

* * *

**Hope you like it! I just had the feeling I have to get going already!**  
**Please review ;)**


	7. Realization

**'Eyo, guys! I know, it's been forever, but university has been quite a bitch lately.**

**Actually I had planned to study, but then I read the reviews, that CookieSpells4 and Shikaku Ryoko had left, and thought fuck it, I go on with writing :D  
Sorry for the language guys, but you really made me happy ;)  
Another thank you to FonzFan, rosebaby123, Slytherin-Heiress1 and Shedaisies who are now following the story!  
Keep going with the reviews please ;) **

**Lots of Love  
Jez**

* * *

Severus chuckled as he watched Aerwyna grumble and pull on the formal dress, she had borrowed from Imogen, who was currently sitting on the couch in the common room, her eyes sparkling with amusement. Oliver wasn't so discreet as he laughed openly at the short dark-head.

"I. Don't. Want. To. Go. There!", she whined, giving up on the dress and glared at the three of them.

"Relax, Wyna, it's just one evening. And it's not that bad, really", Severus tried to calm her, patting her shoulder.

Her glare turned into a frown as she stared up at him: "One evening?"

"For now", Oliver jumped in, laughing.

Imogen slapped his arm: "Don't be like that! You look pretty by the way, Aer."

"Yeah", the other girl sighed sarcastically, "I look like I'm going to attend a trial."

"Well, close enough", Oliver laughed harder.

She jumped at him.

"Aerwyna! Stop! I'll be good, I promise!", he yelled as she tickle-tackled him.

"Come on, chimera", Severus pulled her off the older boy, who panted: "Gods, she's strong for such a little thing."

Severus led Aerwyna down the hallways to Slughorn's office, where her first Slug Club Meeting should be held.  
She sighed annoyed constantly and he rolled his eyes, what caused her to sigh even deeper.

"Here we are", he said and pushed the door open for her.

The room looked a lot different than the last time she had been here at the beginning of the school year.  
It had been enlarged fivefold and there were candles everywhere, causing a soft, warm light.  
Carpets covered the wooden floor and paintings the stone walls.

All in all it was not an unpleasant view.

In the middle of the room stood a large, rectangular table at which Slughorn sat on one end, so he could overview the event.  
Aerwyna spotted Lily and hurried over to take the seat beside her.  
She was currently talking to Mary MacDonald, who shot her a disapproving look.  
It took all Aerwyna had to not stuck her tongue out at her.

"Aerwyna Rivers! Glad, you could make it", Slughorn had waltzed over, giving her his first real smile since she had started her school career.

"It is a pleasure to be allowed to attend the meeting, Sir", she lied, giving her best fake-smile.

Severus chuckled beside her, but made it to turn it into a cough as Slughorn greeted him.  
Aerwyna sighed nearly inaudible and sank back in her chair. The reason for her great disliking towards the Slug Club was mostly Slughorn himself.

She didn't like to crawl up his arse after he had ignored her existence quite successfully for the past four years. At first it had hurt her and made her angry, but in the course of years she had accepted it and started to appreciate the fact, that she could lay around in the common room, while Severus had to dress up and hurry to another pointless event.

The evening went by rather slowly and Aerwyna took glances at her watch every five minutes.  
After dessert everybody stood up and started small talk with one another.

Severus started a conversation with Dirk Cresswell about the newest developments in the Goblin Liaison Office, Lily approached Aerwyna and said:

"How do you like the Slug Club so far?", she nudged the shorter girl.

"Are you seriously asking me this?", she muttered back, crossing her arms annoyed in front of her chest.

"You should be thankful", Lily's expression turned hard.

"Why?", Aerwyna frowned.

"You could have been expelled, but instead you are now part of an elitist group."

"I do not place value on such things."

"You should be grateful."

Aerwyna got angrier by the minute, staring at the red-head: "You are jealous."

Lily laughed dryly: "Why should I?"

"Because you wouldn't have been able to do what I have done."

Lily looked at her, frozen. She couldn't possibly _mean_ that.

"You can't be serious!"

"I am. You don't react fast enough. Your movements are sloppy", Aerwyna couldn't stop herself, although she saw Lily's cheeks flush with anger.

"You can't brow a simple potion!", the Gryffindor shrieked.

Suddenly Severus appeared beside them, looking from one to the other.

"What do you say, Sev?", Lily asked with raised eyebrows and crossed arms.

He opened his mouth, but closed it again looking like a fish gasping for water.  
Lily cocked her head, staring intently at him.

"I…", he trailed off, his gaze grazed Aerwyna, but it clung to Lily's face.

Aerwyna felt suddenly sick.

"I have to get out of here", she mumbled, spun on her heel and hurried away from them.

She excused herself from Professor Slughorn and ran back to the common room.  
Her heart hammered in her chest as she fell onto the couch, agonizing over the feelings that left her confused and baffled.  
Slowly she sorted out what she had just experienced.

And then realization hit her. _Severus __**loves**__ Lily._

The sick feeling returned to her stomach, her hands clutched the fabric of her dress.  
_No, no, no, no!  
_The image of her mother's face as she stared into Tobias Snape's eyes crashed into her mind and she felt disoriented for a moment.  
She took a few deep, steadying breaths, closed her eyes and opened them again.  
Leaning back she stared at the opposite wall, without really seeing it.

After an hour staring and mentally stuffing her emotions into the farthest niche of her mind, she yomped upstairs and crashed down on her bed after pealing Imogen's dress off her body.

Before drifting off to an uneasy sleep, she took a decision. She would do everything to make Severus happy. She would get them together.

* * *

The next morning Aerwyna woke up, her body tense and heavy.  
She stretched, rubbing her eyes, but then noticed a shadow at the end of her bed.  
Yelping she jumped up.

"Aer, calm down, it's just me", Imogen's soft voice reached her.

She dropped back on her bed and sighed: "Gods, Gen, you scared me!"

"You tossed and turned in your sleep. Even more than usual. Are you okay? What happened last night?"

The memories came flooding back to her and she shivered.

"You finally realized it, didn't you?", Imogen stretched out her hand to grab Aerwyna's.

Aerwyna felt startled and stuttered: "Wha- What are you talking about?"

"Severus loves her."

A moment of complete and utter silence followed.  
Stormy blue eyes met calm brown ones, the final truth sinking in.

"Yes", Aerwyna dropped her gaze.

"You have to let him go. Otherwise you will always chase after a dream."

"A sunflower I left behind…", Aerwyna muttered, the bright yellow clear in her memory, causing a light smile to curl her lips.

"Move on."

"I would do anything to make him happy."

Imogen stared at her for a moment, but Aerwyna didn't see her.

The only thing she saw were the soft, bright petals of her sunflower.


	8. The Lioness about the Snake

**That was quite fast this time :D  
It's not so long, but I hope you will forgive me!  
First I want to thank penny potter 128 and CookieSpells4 for their all-too wonderful, lovely reviews!  
I am soo happy because of you guys!**

**And as always I thank those, who are now following- ikebblez9614, xXMasqueradeOfVendettaXx**  
**and Undapper Thoughts!**  
**Ms Lucinda is following me as an author, if she is reading the story I thank her now! :)**

**I really hope, all of you enjoy reading this chapter, because I had quite some fun writing it!**  
**Lotsof Love,**  
**Jez**

P.S.: Please keep going with the reviews ;)

* * *

The two girls entered the common room together, arms linked.  
Oliver hurried towards them: "Wy! Are you okay? Sev said, you left the meeting looking quite upset."

"Uh, yes, I'm okay, it was nothing really", she smiled reassuringly at him.

He frowned.

"Stop staring at me that way!", she laughed, patting his shoulder.

"Wyna!", Severus' voice sounded through the common room.

"Oh lord", she rolled her eyes as he stalked over to them, his expression similar to Oliver's.

"Are you alright?", he spat, grabbing her arm.

"Gods, guys! Stop acting as if I had a nervous breakdown!", she glared jokingly at them and while Oliver seemed to relax, Severus expression turned into a frown.

Aerwyna sighed with relief as he turned and the subject was dropped.  
The four of them made their way to the Great Hall for breakfast, discussing the trimester projects.

"I'm concentrating on Herbology this trimester", Oliver said, "I need to compensate my not-existent effort from last year."

The other three laughed at him, Imogen leaning against Aerwyna in joy.

"I'm looking forward to raising up my griffin colt", Imogen smiled softly, "What is your project, Aer?"

"Defence!", Aerwyna beamed with excitement.

"Surprise, surprise!", Oliver chuckled.

"I'll create a curse on my own, it's going to be fantastic!", the shorter girl grinned, ignoring Oliver.

"Always the head in dark clouds", the melodious voice of Lily chirped.

Aerwyna felt as if her inside was filled with ice, but she pulled herself together and turned to smile at the red-head.

"Do you feel better?", the Gryffindor nudged her with her shoulder.

"Yes, it had been from exhaustion I believe", Aerwyna answered.

Lily told Oliver and Severus about the potion, she would be studying this trimester, while Imogen shot worried glances at the Slytherin girl beside her.

"What's your project for the trimester, Sev?", Lily asked.

"I have not decided yet", he bit his lip in thought.

"That's very unlike you! Usually you are the first to decide!", she giggled.

He shrugged his shoulders, avoiding her eyes.  
Imogen knitted her brows and looked down at Aerwyna, who was still attached to her arm.  
Her smile never faltered.

* * *

"Good, Miss Rivers, that was a major step forward. Although I would recommend an approximately rectangular shape for wand movement, as it adds sharpness to the curse", Professor Quaster smiled warmly at the dark-head.

Aerwyna nods in concentration, cursing under her breath as blue, icy stings shot out of her wand and bounced against Emily Stanton's hat.

The strawberry blonde girl looked around confused, until Aerwyna yelled: "Sorry!"

The Hufflepuff girl smiled back at her and waved it off, before she turned around to go to work.

"I. Just. Don't. Get. It. Right", Aerwyna growled, punctuating ever word with a thrust of her wand.

"Don't force it, Wyna", Severus, who sat beside her, chuckled.

She sighed theatrical as the bell rang and Professor Quaster shooed them.  
Lily and Mary MacDonald hurried off to their common room, while Severus and Aerwyna made their way to the Great Hall for lunch.

"Uh, fuck!", Aerwyna cursed as soon as they arrived at their table, what earned her a disapproving look from Professor Euler.

She smiled apologetically and then turned to Severus: "I have to find Lily, she has my Ancient Runes book and I need it after lunch."

"Gods, yes. Should I come with you?", he asked while staring longingly at the meatloaf.

Aerwyna grinned: "No, I will leave you to your love."

He chuckled as the girl hurried off. She tried to ignore the feeling of falling in her stomach at the sound.

Panting she climbed staircase after staircase towards the Gryffindor Tower.  
Suddenly she heard Mary MacDonald's voice interspersed with giggles:

"But he _is_ into you!"

Aerwyna stepped behind a statue of Reinold the Ridiculous, as Mary's voice approached her.

"Don't be silly", Lily answered, but she sounded quite amused.

"Come on, you can't possibly _not_ notice it!", Mary insisted.

Lily remained silent.

"I mean, he's not the most handsome guy in the castle, but you are friends for I don't know how long already!", Aerwyna suppressed a sigh as Mary made no move to stop her babbling.

Nonetheless her brain started to work on high speed as she tried to figure out, whom they were talking about. In the back of her mind Severus face became prominent, but she pushed the thought aside.

"We are friends, yes, but I would _never_ start a _relationship_ with him! He gets darker with each passing day", Lily muttered the last part, but the two girls were already so close to the statue, Aerwyna was hiding behind, that she could understand every word.

"But it would be so romantic. A Gryffindor girl and a Slytherin boy. the lioness wins the snake over to honesty and truth", Mary sighed.

"Nothing about him is romantic. I don't think he's able to truly love someone.  
He's too dark already. And I don't agree with the path he has chosen. I know, his life hasn't been easy, but it's his own decision."

Their voices trailed off as they walked past Reinold and Aerwyna.  
She remained leaned against the wall, her head twirling with thoughts.  
They had been talking about Severus. There was no other possibility.  
Lily had no contact to other Slytherins, except herself, Oliver and sometimes Imogen.

_'You are friends for I don't know how long'- It has to be him!_

Ever so slowly rage started to built inside her chest.

_How dare she to talk about him that way!_

Lily's words repeated themselves in her mind and she shook her head desperately.

She remained behind the statue for a little while longer to sort out her thoughts and emotions, annoyance mixing in as she realized, that she had to do that quite often lately.  
When the bell rang she pushed herself off the wall and slowly she wandered off to the Ancient Runes classroom.

The first and clearest conclusion she had come to was, that her friendship with the red-headed Gryffindor could not possibly last any longer.

She would not suppress the Slytherin, that she was.


	9. Every Wave Breaks

**Hey you out there, my lovely readers!**  
**Another motivation push, caused by CookieSpells4, pennypotter128 and Scrt Vlntn, saved me from studying (once again) and didn't leave me a choice except going on writing for you awesome people!  
The result is the longest chapter so far!  
****If my babbling has not given it away already, I love you!**

**_First, Cookie:_**** I wasn't quite sure about the whole Lily-thing, but I have always imagined her being like that, when I've read the books, because nobody's all fantastic, especially when you abandon your best friend, because he has said something out of rage. Conversation is the key there, but yeah...**  
**Also, what you've written about her not helping him is also something I've thought about and the result is, that I don't hate her, but I'm not a big fan either.**  
**I hope you are okay, with my solution to the whole situation! :)**

**_pennypotter,_**** you are next ;) : I was thinking the same thing, and as I have written above, she should have listened to him.**  
**My best friend and I also swear at each other, sometimes we mean it, but it's always the heat of the moment, nothing that affects us for a longer time period.**  
**Lily might be the innocent angel, but then she should know, how to forgive.**  
**I'm no fan, but that's mostly because I cry every time I read the last book, just because Severus dies...**

**_Scrt Vlntn_****: Thank you so much for taking the time and leaving a review! :)**

**I hope you all like the following chapter!**  
**Lots of Love and like always, please leave a review ;)**

**Jez**

* * *

"Wy? Wyy!", Oliver poked Aerwyna, pulling her out of her trance.

"Mhmm?", she stared up at him, her eyes glazed.

"What are you thinking about?", he stared worried at her.

"Just… something I've overheard", she traced the outlines of her lips, staring into nothingness.

"Oh lord, spying now, are we?", he said, half-amused, half-worried.

"I didn't do it on purpose. I was-", suddenly she broke off as a red shock of hair was to be seen at the entrance of the hall.

"I- I'll be right back", she jumped off the bench.

Oliver watched her run away, confusion sinking in.

"Good morning, Wilkes", Imogen dropped down beside him, her short brown locks glistening as the sunbeams hit them.

"Hi… uh, Imogen", he stuttered as his heart started to flutter.

She grabbed a piece of bacon from his plate, bit down and raised an eyebrow at him.

He avoided her gaze as he felt his cheeks heat up.

"Aer behaved quite strange this weekend, don't you think?", she said, studying his face.

"Yeah… Yeah, quite strange", he mumbled, cursing himself inwardly.

"Are _you_ okay?", she asked him, laying her hand on his forearm.  
A shiver ran down his spine at the touch.

-°-°-°-

"Lily! Lily!", Aerwyna yelled, causing the taller girl to freeze in her movement.

"Wyna! What is it?", she turned to smile at her, but something about it seemed forced, artificial.

"I need to talk to you about something", Aerwyna muttered, as she noticed Alice Fortescue's curious look.

Lily nodded cautious, following her to the Entrance Hall.  
Aerwyna decided to go straightforward: "Last Friday I went upstairs towards the Gryffindor Tower to ask you for my Ancient Runes book. Lily… I overheard your conversation with Mary MacDonald."

For a short moment confusion was written all over Lily's face, then it turned into something else- anger.

"How dare you eavesdrop on me?!", she shrieked.

Aerwyna shook her head: "I didn't eavesdrop. Everybody could have heard you, so you should be more careful next time. But that's not what I wanted to talk to you about.  
Did you mean, what you've said?"

Lily stared at her for a few long moments, fury contorting her angelic features.

"Lily. Did you _mean_, what you've said?", Aerwyna repeated.

The red-head's expression turned rock-hard.

"He is your friend for God's sake! He is your best friend", Aerwyna hated how her voice turned weak.

Lily remained silent, although her anger was still obvious.

"I'm not judging you for what you've said. I'm just asking, if you have meant it", Aerwyna growled.

"I don't have to answer you", Lily stared down at her.

"Of course not. But in this case you could also be honest and say yes, since it means the same", Aerwyna was about to turn around and leave, when she felt Lily's hand grasp her arm: "Don't tell him."

"Do you think so low of me?", Aerwyna freed herself and stalked away.

Breakfast forgotten, she strode through the Entrance Door and to the grounds.  
The fresh air and cold wind announced the upcoming winter, leaving no doubt, that it would be long and bleak.

Aerwyna wrapped her coat tighter around herself, hiding the bottom half of her face beneath the fabric.  
As soon as the lake came into view, she slowed her pace and lowered the collar for a moment to take a deep breath of the chilly autumn air.  
Sighing she sank down on the ground.

The minutes passed by as she stared at the smooth surface of the black water in front of her.

"Something is troubling you", Aerwyna's eyes fluttered close as if on their own accord at Severus' dark, low voice. Her heartbeat fastened and she turned her head automatically to where his voice had come from.  
She opened her eyes as he sat down beside her, examining her face worriedly.

"You noticed", she stated simply, trying her best to ban all hurt and weakness from her voice.

"I know, I haven't been the best of friends through the last years…", he trailed off.

"Don't. Don't explain yourself. You have nothing to apologize for."

"Wyna", Severus muttered, his voice once again drawing her gaze towards him, "I didn't keep my promise."

He stared into her eyes for one long, wonderful, yet dreadful moment, that promised more than she could bear being taken from her again.

"You know, that I love her. You have always known", he dropped his gaze and let it wander to the treetops of the Forbidden Forest.

Aerwyna's heart was ripped apart as the last word finally left his lips and suddenly there was no cold autumn day, no black lake, no forest or castle.  
Just him and the thoughts of shining red hair, piercing green eyes and an ever so melodious laughter.

"I know, how you feel", she whispered, more to herself than to him.

He fixated his gaze on her once again, searching for any sign of dishonesty.

She reached for his hand, intertwining their fingers.  
Her heart leaped at the touch and she promised herself to savour this moment forever, as she would never experience anything further, anything more loving, caring.

* * *

Aerwyna was late for Herbology, but Professor Sprout didn't notice her as she was occupied by criticizing Stebbins for his latest essay.  
She took her place beside Joline and Imogen, while Twyla giggled over something Davey Gudgeon had whispered into her ear.  
Aerwyna noticed the hungry look in Rosier's eyes, as he stared at Twyla. It always gave her shivers.

Professor Sprout began the lesson by telling them about the next projects, but Aerwyna couldn't bring herself to listen. Her sadness was crossed by rage, frustration and disappointment.  
_Why Lily?_

"For Fuck's sake", she muttered, clenching her fists until her knuckles went white.

"Are you okay, Aer?", Imogen touched her shoulder lightly, her face showing the same expression of worry, she had seen a lot over the past few days.

"Yes, thank you", Aerwyna tried her best to give her a bright smile and Imogen turned again, seemingly satisfied.

* * *

It was the longest school day Aerwyna had ever experienced. Every minute seemed to extend to hours, every beam of sunlight annoyed her.  
When the sun finally began to set, she sank exhausted down at the Slytherin table for dinner.  
Her stomach grumbled, so she grabbed a piece of roasted chicken and nibbled on it, watching as the Great Hall was beaming with joy and life.  
_Why was she no part of it?_

Her friends would eat later and she was thankful; she couldn't stand company at the moment.  
Appetite leaving her, she stood up and wandered off.

Her feet carried her through the corridors and up staircases, but she didn't pay attention, as she was focusing on planning her future and how she would finally be herself, true and for sure.

She ascended some staircases and found herself at the Astronomy Tower. Leaning against the wall she closed her eyes and took a deep, calming breath to wash away the day's stress.

The day turned quickly into night, the hectic replaced by a soothing calmness.  
Although she wasn't allowed to be here, she couldn't care less about being caught.  
In fact she just appreciated the loneliness and the beautiful sight of Hogwarts' grounds beneath her.

She started to prepare her pipe, which she used to carry around with her like a lucky charm.  
The sight of it always made her lips curl into the lightest of smiles and as the smoke rose to disappear in the black of the sky above her, she felt a little bit of peace return to her heart.

Minutes were spent by thinking and taking pulls on her lucky charm, while the North Star watched over her.

She came to four conclusions.  
Her love for the boy, who had been her only friend during childhood, would never fade away and there was no sense in trying.  
The past six years had shown as much.

She could never tell him, as that would cost her his friendship, the one thing she treasured the most- even more than her lucky charm.

Her friendship with Lily would never be the same as it had been before. After their conversation she had analysed every expression the other girl had shown, turning them in her head until she could have drawn them. Aerwyna was sure, that she didn't intended to hurt Severus, but was scared. Lily had no dark fibre in her being and was not accustomed to such things. Nevertheless the damage was done and could not be repaired.

The last conclusion contained the work, that laid ahead of her. She would have to work on herself. She would be Aerwyna at last.

Smiling she descended the staircase and sneaked down to the dungeons, hiding from Filch behind an armour, that creaked but didn't betray her.  
Aerwyna's last thought was, that she would start right in the morning, no point in delaying.

* * *

The next morning she woke well-rested and calm.  
She had made her decision and she would have to live with it, so she pushed the thought of the agony, that would surely come upon her, aside and focused on the moments she would have with Severus as her friend.

Imogen and the twins accompanied her at breakfast, all of them confused, but pleased at her sudden change in mood.

Just when they were about to leave for Charms, Professor Slughorn approached them, addressing Aerwyna: "Miss Rivers, I must ask you to follow me to the headmaster's office."

The short girl looked at him shocked: "Have I done something wrong, Sir?"

His expression softened into something she couldn't place: "No, my dear."

He turned and she hurried to follow him, throwing glances across her shoulder at her friends.  
All of them stared confused after her.

The way seemed to come to no end and just as Aerwyna wondered, how such a clumsy and plump man could move so fast, he stood still in front of a gargoyle.  
She raised her eyebrows lightly as she heard him mutter something about candies, but the gargoyle jumped aside and they ascended the revealed staircase.  
Slughorn knocked and entered, not waiting for an answer.

"Albus", he muttered at Dumbledore, who stood with the back to them.

He turned, offering Aerwyna a sad smile.  
Her head was spinning with worry and confusion and she hoped, they would spit it out sooner than later.

"Miss Rivers, please take a seat", Dumbledore offered and she sat down, although she didn't feel like it at all.

"Sir, what is going on? Professor Slughorn wouldn't tell me", she said.

"That was my instruction, I wanted to tell you myself and Professor Slughorn quite agreed", the soft sadness never left his eyes.

She nodded, mostly to make him keep going.  
He sighed as she didn't let slip a word and took the seat beside her.  
She furrowed her brows, but turned towards him.

"Aerwyna, I have to tell you something, no headmaster should have to tell any of his students.  
It concerns your mother.  
She… deceased last night."


	10. Winter and Ocean

**Hello out there, guys!**  
**It took me foever, I know, I'm so sorry!  
I hope you don't have much of a problem with elemental magic- it will play a part in the story, but not a major one, I promise!**  
**And CookieSpells4 pointed out, that Aerwyna is not a really common name and I think now is the right time to explain-**  
**It means "friend of the sea".**  
**You will understand, if you read the chapter ;)**

**I want to thank CookieSpells4 for her message, because you reminded me, that it's been far too long!**  
**Thank you also so much for your review, I can't get enough of them! And for recommending me to your friend, that was totally nice, and I'm so thankful you can't believe it!**  
**Another thank you to ScarletBreezes, who left an awesome review for my first fanfic, you made my day and I hope, you actually read this!**  
**pennypotter128 I am so glad, you reviewed again, it's nice to now, you are still on board :)**  
**And WebOfSmiles, I loved your review, it was adorable!**  
**I owe another thank you to spinnersend, FredsForeverFanGirl, lil witch and twilightlover4life13, who are now following the story or/and have added it to their favorites!**

**Thank you so much for your support guys, it means a lot to me, believe me.**  
**Enough rambling for today!**  
**I hope you enjoy the next chapter!**

**Lots of Love**  
**Jez**

**P.S.: If you have time, please leave a review :)**

* * *

Autumn had finally surrendered and winter held England in its tight grasp.  
Snow was gathering on Aerwyna's shoulders as she stood stiffly, staring at the priest in front of her, but none of his words reached her.

Her mother was dead, buried in the frozen ground, and as she stared at the hole, in which the coffin had disappeared merely minutes ago, she felt an emptiness, different from everything she had known so far.

Her mother had left her a year ago as she had locked her daughter out of her life with no chance of turning back.  
But as long as she had lived, there had always been a chance, Aerwyna just didn't take it.  
And now she had left her for good.

She felt suddenly sick, her hand clasped over her stomach and she shivered frantically.  
A warm hand covered her smaller one, a smooth thumb stroke across her palm.

She looked up, eyes wide, to see Severus smiling down at her sadly.

The sickening feeling ceased and he leaned down: "That you are grieving, although she had not loved you as a mother should love her daughter, is a trait of yours, Wyna. I am here for you, little stream."

His voice was soothing as ever and she leaned into him, allowed him to put his arm around her, savouring the feeling.  
She was not grieving for her mother alone, but for the absolute love of a mother she had never experienced.

* * *

Christmas holidays had started, covering Hogwarts' castle with a thick blanket of snow.

Aerwyna had the dormitory to herself, loneliness wrapped around her.  
She sat on the sill of the magical window, staring as the stars were replaced by the sun and how the snow fell slowly.

The day was turning into night, when she felt her stomach grumble.  
Yawning she walked down the stairs and through the common room.

"Dinner is over", Severus sat on the couch, staring intently at her.

"Oh… Crap", she mumbled, feeling embarrassed for any reason.

"Wyna", he stood up and walked over to her, rubbing up and down her arms with his hands.

She avoided his gaze, humming to signal, that she had heard him.

"I took some food with me down here. I figured you would get hungry some time", he grinned at her.

She looked up at him and smiled widely.  
They spent the next few hours in the deserted common room, laughing and remembering stories. Aerwyna felt as though the last years had never happened, as though it was still just them and had always been.

As the first beams of sunlight hit the windows, they had fallen asleep side by side.  
It was already midday, when they woke up, earning awkward glances from a group seventh years, that gathered in a corner, learning.

Severus smiled at Aerwyna, who stretched and yawned beside him.

Her stomach grumbled and she growled: "Hungry!"

She jumped off the couch and grasped his hand, pulling him with her as she nearly ran all the way to the Great Hall.  
He laughed as she dropped on the bank and started to gulp everything she could reach.  
She looked up and grinned embarrassed.

Sauce had gathered in the corner of her mouth and was rolling down her chin, so he stretched his hand to wipe it away.  
Aerwyna's eyes widened and he felt like he had just crossed a line, his cheeks heating up lightly.

He withdrew and they spent the rest of their meal in silence.

Aerwyna's heart pounded inappropriately fast, considering the causality of the touch, but she couldn't help herself. She found herself pondering what to say to break the awkward silence, but nothing came to her.

"Would you like to go to the library? We could start with our homework", Severus mumbled.

"Yeah, sure!", she exclaimed, sounding more enthusiastic, than she had intended.

As they walked up the stairs, the tension decreased significantly and they were already chatting again, when they arrived.  
Severus disappeared behind a book shelve, containing volumes about herbs, while Aerwyna wandered off, not really paying attention to where she was going.

She found herself at the end of a shelve, which seemed to contain books of a variety of topics.  
There were tales and stories, encyclopaedias and lexicons, old textbooks and a collection of scrolls. She touched the backs of some books and let her gaze wander across their titles.

One of them caught her eye: _The Art Of Elemental Magic_

She looked around to make sure, nobody was watching and pulled it out, looking over its cover. It was old and worn, the letters faded.  
She followed an impulse and let it slip into her bag, just when Severus crossed the corner and said: "Are you coming?"

"Yes!", she blurted and followed him to a table, that was already covered with books and scrolls.

They worked silently, from time to time mumbling answers or questions to the other.  
It was half past seven, when Aerwyna caught herself yawning every two minutes and Severus smiled at her, gesturing for them to leave.

"Well, we made quite some process", he said as they descended the staircases.

"Are you kidding me? I am able to recite the whole fucking book!", Aerwyna sighed, earning a disapproving look from the portrait of an white-haired wizard with pop eyes.

Severus merely chuckled.

"I think, I'll go to bed", she said, eager for crawling into bed with her mysterious book.

Severus raised one eye brow at her: "It's barely eight o'clock, are you alright?"

"Yeah, just tired. Maybe I'll read some time, before I actually go to sleep", she said.

_Well, that's not exactly a lie._

She didn't know, why she wouldn't tell him. But there was something about this book, she wanted to herself, like her own little secret, nobody knows about.

"Hmm, okay, Wyna. Sleep well, little stream", he smiled and her heart warmed at the sight.

"Thank you, Sevvie", before he could protest about his nickname, she got on tiptoes and placed a light, gentle kiss on his cheek.

The blush spread immediately, so she spun around and hurried out of sight.  
Severus remained, frozen to the spot.

His hand crawled up to where Aerwyna's lips had touched his skin and he furrowed his brows. He wasn't sure, why she had done it. The most likely assumption was, that she wanted to thank him for his support. But why did his heart flutter, as he stared at her rushing away?

-°-°-

Aerwyna leaned against the door of her dormitory, not sure, if she should yell out in embarrassment. Her face decided on grinning dumbly, while she searched through her bag.

With the old book in hands, she sat on her bed, leaving the bag on its end, and leaned against her pillows as she opened it.  
The introduction told her, that if you master the art of elemental magic, you are able to control one out of the four elements- air, water, earth and fire- without using your wand.

The first step was to find out, which element is most similar to your personality.

Aerwyna laid the book down beside her, staring at the opposite wall for a while.  
She thought back to her childhood and the superhero films, she had to watch with her mother.  
She had not been the biggest of fans, as she found them quite ridiculous. Frowning, she bit her lip, now staring at the book.

If she was able to learn this thing, it would be an advantage in fight. Should she lose her wand, she could at least defend herself as long as she needed to get it back.  
If she failed, nobody would ever know, as she would not tell anybody about it.

A smile widened her lips as she thought of Lily's face, should she ever get to use it in a fight against her. The pranks she could play!

The Slytherin within her cheered. She needed this. She needed something, that would make her feel at least a bit special, a little advantage over the red-headed angel.

She grabbed the book again, sinking deeper into her pillows.  
There were a few spells listed to every element. The task was to remind yourself of every detail of the element and try the spells.

Aerwyna felt more ridiculous with each minute as she tried to figure out the smell and touch of air.'  
She grumbled spell after spell, sighing after each try.  
Deciding to let air be air, she turned the page. Earth seemed easier to her, but brought as much result as the air-project had.  
Water was the next step.

"Fluvius", she mumbled. Her wand seemed to vibrate a little, but she considered, that it might just be her tired body shaking.

"Stagnum", nothing at all happened.

"Amnus", she sighed. A little light appeared at the top of her wand, but vanished nearly immediately.

There was one more spell on the list and it reminded her of salt, wind and waves.

"Pelagus",

she whispered.

A blue spark lighted the dormitory, followed by spatters of water.  
She shrieked, startled, but then just stared at the spots on her blanket, that disappeared slowly as they dried.

A smile grew on her face, excitement and mischief all the same.

* * *

The christmas holidays passed by quickly.  
Severus and Aerwyna spent their time learning, playing chess or wandering the grounds.

At night Aerwyna would try to exercise the art of elemental magic, growing more frustrated with each day, as she made not as much progress as she had hoped.

Classes started all too soon and they found themselves once more in the crowded common room.  
Oliver sat beside Aerwyna and Severus on the couch, not paying attention to their conversation as he seemed to stare into nothingness.

Aerwyna glanced at him and then smirked. She knew exactly, what he was staring at.

She pulled out her Potions book, opened it and stared at the invitation, she had gotten earlier that day.  
Slughorn planned to have a "semester starting party", as he called it.  
Aerwyna had not been enthusiastic about the idea, but now a plan started to form in her head, but she would have to talk to Severus about it first.

Her grin grew wider.

* * *

Imogen stood in front of the mirror in their dormitory, swaying forth and back, frowning.

"You look stunning, Gen! Trust me", Aerwyna sighed.

It was absolutely true. Imogen wore a green dress, that stopped right beneath her knees, her short hair curly and pulled back.

She just made some "humph" noise and turned away from her reflection.

"It's nice from Severus to take me with him to the party", she smiled.

"We considered, the more of us, the more fun for us", Aerwyna answered, giggling slightly.

She became better and better with telling half-truths.

-°-°-

They met Oliver and Severus in the common room.  
Oliver stared embarrassed at his feet, while Severus grinned quite smugly.

Imogen furrowed her brows as she saw Oliver, but remained quiet, so Aerwyna said:

"Should we go then?"

On the way to Slughorn's office Aerwyna and Severus tried to make conversation, while Oliver remained silent and Imogen nodded.  
Aerwyna grabbed Oliver's arms, gesturing to the others, that they should not wait for them.

"What the fuck are you playing at?", she growled.

He wouldn't meet her gaze, so she pulled at his arm a little harder:

"You are no twelve-year old, are you?"

Her annoyance seemed to wake him and he said: "I'm sorry, I can't form a proper sentence around her!"

"You will have to learn then", Aerwyna barked and dragged him back to Slughorn's office door.

The room looked slightly different than during the usual Slug Club meetings.  
The light was dim, scarfs were wrapped around the few lamps and the air was heavy with perfumes and heat.

"Wow, it's crowded in here", Aerwyna muttered to get Oliver to relax a little.

"I'm sorry, I was so harsh", she added.

He looked down at her, finally smiling: "It's okay, you are right."

She smiled back at him and grabbed his hand: "Let's look for the others!"

Imogen and Severus were sitting on a couch, surrounded by Lily, Bertram Aubrey and Stebbins.  
Aerwyna saw Crouch hanging about in a corner alone.  
They approached the group, waving.

"Hello, everybody", Oliver said and got immediately wrapped up in a discussion with Aubrey about their last Charms trimester projects.

"Hi, Aerwyna", Lily said shyly. They had not talked to each other since their fight and Aerwyna was sure, that the red-head was still afraid, she might tell Severus, what she had overheard.

"Hi, Lily", she tried a smile and found it quite successful as Lily's face relaxed remarkably.

"I'm sorry for… well, you know", she said and rubbed the shorter girl's arm awkwardly.

For a moment Aerwyna wondered, what she meant, but then she remembered her mother's funeral and she was embarrassed about how fast the event had taken a back seat in her life.

"Umm, thank you", she mumbled.

Severus, who had been watching them, jumped in to prevent the conversation from turning even more awkward:  
"Wyna, do you want to continue with Herbology or Astronomy tomorrow?"

Both girls stared at him for a moment, confusion written across their faces.  
But as Aerwyna started to smile, Lily's expression turned into a frown.

"What do you mean?", the red-head asked, sounding nearly reproachful.

"Well, we have been learning together during the holidays", Severus answered.

"Oh. Okay", she crossed her arms in front of her chest.

Aerwyna glanced from one to the other. She had no clue what to say and deep within her, she kind of enjoyed Lily's jealous attitude.  
As this thought hit her, she felt bitchy immediately.

"Aren't you going to join us, Lil?", she asked.

Severus looked at her thankfully, but Lily wore an entirely different expression.

"No, I don't think so", she spat and stalked away.

"What the fucking hell", Aerwyna mumbled as Severus scratched his head, shrugging his shoulders.

A few hours later, they watched Oliver and Imogen talking intently on the same couch they had occupied in the beginning.  
Aerwyna giggled quietly as Severus smirked beside her.

"You know, it's a nice thing, we did, but I still feel like some evil imperator", he laughed, causing Aerwyna to giggle harder.

"Fuck, this is too much for me! Look how he's staring at her!"

"She's not better, really. His lips will be bruised by tomorrow, just from the way she gazes at them", Severus chuckled.

"It's kind of ridiculous", Aerwyna stated.

"Just because you have no one to stare at", he grinned.

"You have no idea", she mumbled.

"So there is someone?", he grinned even wider.

"I didn't say that!"

"Yes, you did."

"Shut your fat mouth, Snape."

"That's no proper language for a sweet girl like you."

"I will shove that sweet girl up your arse, if you don't shut up!"

Her cheeks were flushed with embarrassment and anger and Severus loved it.  
Usually she was always in control, but he could make her blood boil.

His smug grin deepened, if that was even possible,  
Aerwyna shoved him into the corner, against the wall, pointing at him with her finger:

"Don't you dare grin at me like that, Severus, or I swear, you'll regret it!"

"How is it, you always keep calm and cool, but you can't bear me teasing you", the grin remained.

She stared at him, her finger hanging in the air like she had forgotten about it.  
Her mouth was slightly parted, as if she really thought about his words.

Severus stared down at her, watching as her face showed one adorable expression after the other. His heart fluttered again, but he didn't question it this time.  
_Later_, he thought.

Suddenly he grabbed her finger, embracing her hand as he pulled her towards him.  
She grabbed his shoulder for support, never breaking eye contact and she realized, that she hadn't seen his eyes from such a short distance for nearly six years by now.

It had been far too long. They were beautiful and turned her world upside down.  
Onyx. Black. Darkest grey. Unbelievable deep blue.

This time it was her, who pulled him closer, crashing them together completely.  
He bend down, staring into her eyes as if looking for something.

She didn't want to look at anything else, but his eyes for the rest of her life.  
The moments passed by and they remained, as if frozen in their pose, untouched by the world.

And then they moved again, together, never looking away from each others eyes.

When their lips met, Aerwyna's eyes nearly fluttered close, but she forced them open, searching his for any expression, that might make her pull away, run away.  
As she found none, she moved shyly against his velvet lips and felt him responding to her.

It was chaste, trying and gentle.

He stared into her ocean's eyes. She stared into his night's eyes.


	11. Fight and Seek

**First of all I'm so sorry for taking forever to update, but I have good reasons, I can't explain further right now, because I don't have time but wanted to publish this now, so you won't have to wait any longer!**  
**Thanks to CookiSpells, who never disappoints me and another big Sorry for taking so long!**

**PLease review, guys!**

**Warning- Lemon ahead**

* * *

The next few months went by quickly as the OWL's approached and all the fifth years experienced chronic nervousness.

Joline's nerves were always at the edge of snapping, what turned eventually into a fit of hysterical giggles, anger tantrums or crying fits.

Twyla had the ungrateful task to not only prepare herself for the exams, but also care for her (about two minutes) younger sister and prevent her from skinning some random student on a whim.

The new relationship of Oliver and Imogen was put to the test, as the usually calm girl turned into a nerve-wracking dictator, who shooed her friends to one revision after another, turning all of them into babbling, non-responsive zombies.

This tumultuous environment was ideal for Aerwyna and Severus to actually 'forget' about the incident at Slughorn's party and their friendship finally returned to its former state.

* * *

After months of preparation, desperation and emotional devastation, the fifth years found their selves finally at the end of their last exam.

Aerwyna saw Joline burst into tears of release and Twyla hurried over to hug her close.

Imogen sighed beside her and rubbed her temples.

"It wasn't that bad, was it?", Aerwyna asked her as they left the Great Hall.

"It was Defence, of course _you_ didn't find it too bad", Imogen grinned.

"Ey, remember Tuesday and the Transformation exam, you little geek", Aerwyna laughed.

They made their way out and sat down in the grass, enjoying the sun on their skin.

Aerwyna had fun taking the mick out of Imogen by complaining about her kingly behaviour during the last months.

Suddenly Imogen froze in the middle of a fit of laughter, her jaw dropping.

"Gen?", Aerwyna touched her shoulder lightly.

"Aer!", Imogen pointed towards a crowd of people, that had gathered around the Marauders.

Severus was just rising from the ground and a shock of red hair bounced in front of Potter's face.

_Lily, the hero_, Aerwyna thought.

Both girls hurried across the grass, but stopped dead as Severus' voice reached them:

"- from filthy little Mudbloods like her!"

For Aerwyna it felt like the world had stopped rotating for a moment, the birds stopped chirping, the wind stopped stroking the grass stalks.

When the shock of his words lessened, she saw Lily storming off, while Potter pointed his wand at Severus again.

"Who wants to see me take off Snivelly's pants?", Potter grinned as Aerwyna stepped behind him, boring her wand into his neck: "One tremor and you can wish your balls farewell."

* * *

Imogen sighed as Oliver pulled thistle after thistle from her hair, while Twyla pressed a cloth against the scratch on Aerwyna's cheek.

"You should work at your duel abilities", the twin sighed.

"I could have handled it myself", Severus spat.

Aerwyna could practically feel how her patience vaporized:

"Oh, yes! All of us were able to see that, you little prick!"

Severus stopped in front of them gaping at her.

"You heard right", she growled and jumped up, hurrying to the entrance of the common room.

"Where are you going?", Severus yelled after her, but she didn't respond.

* * *

"Lily, please", Aerwyna sighed.

"What makes you think, you are in any position to make me forgive him?", the redhead fired back, obviously still furious, "You made it clear, what you think of me."

"I am sorry, how everything between the two of us turned out, but Severus wasn't in his right mind and you know that. Merlin, he hates Potter like nobody else and it doesn't make it easier for him as this idiot is permanently hitting on you!", the words had left Aerwyna's mouth before she could stop them, but Lily didn't seem at all surprised.

"How are you doing?", the simple question took her off-guard.

"What do you mean?", The Slytherin replied, hoping to sound calm and collected.

"You don't need to pretend, Wy. We might not be talking at the moment, but I know you and it doesn't make me forget, what I have known for years", Lily smiled sadly.

"I'm doing okay. I have put it behind myself", _biggest lie, I've ever told_.

"You are lying", _damn_.

"Look, I'm working at putting it behind. But could we get back to the subject? You know, he didn't mean it. He's… hurt. He didn't want to seem weak in front of _you_ of all people."

"I know that, but it doesn't change the way he's looking at people, who have the same background as me. It's getting harder to be his friend."

"He loves you, Lily."

"That makes it even harder."

"So you feel nothing for him?"

"If you refer to friendly affection as nothing…"

Aerwyna balled her fists in anger, spun on her heel and left Lily staring after her.

* * *

This evening Lily Evans wore a plain white dress beneath her open robes, at least until a certain angry Slytherin girl used her new-found abilities to soak her through.

Her revealed attributes caused reactions of completely different kinds.

The Slytherins laughed, the Ravenclaws were embarrassed, the Hufflepuffs couldn't decide between helping the furious girl or acting as if nothing had happened.

And James Potter decided, that he would marry Lily Evans.

* * *

**Three Years Later**

It was a Friday night and the Hog's Head was crowded, at least by its standards.

A young man was vigorously fighting with the bartender over his next drink, while another took the opportunity to steal his wallet, a smile stretching his thin lips at the expectation of a boozed-up night, he wouldn't have to pay for himself.

One of the tables was occupied by a young couple, saying nothing to the other, but staring so intently at their drinks as if they expected them to reveal a nerve-shattering secret to them.

Finally the woman opened her mouth to release a deep sigh and said:

"So you really are considering it."

"Yes", the man stated simply.

"That's madcap", the woman shot back, revealing piercing blue eyes as she raised her head, glaring at Severus Snape.

"Is it?", he smirked.

"You can still prove your loyalty to one side as soon as you know for sure, that it's the one, that has won", Aerwyna Rivers snorted.

The dark haired man let out a loud, barking laugh, that caused some people to eye them suspiciously.

"That's the Slytherin spirit!"

"I mean it, Snape."

"Deciding now, could boot! Look at Oliver!"

"Or backfire!", she thought of Imogen, who was currently living in Stockholm.

"I don't have to ask you for permission, Wyna!"

"But it could be helpful to listen to my advice once in your lifetime!"

"You don't need to decide now, because you are leaving the country!"

Aerwyna stared at him for a moment, obviously in thought, then:

"Come with me."

"What?"

"I said, come with me. It's a great opportunity. The letting and finally selling of my mother's house had left me with a decent budget and we could visit Imogen together.

You should see the world, before you decide what you want for it."

"So you say, you are inviting me to a round-the-world trip?", he smirked.

"Well, I won't pay for everything as I'm far away from being a Malfoy, but I am completely able to support you", she laughed, but turned serious again as she saw doubt rising behind his eyes, "If you decide to get the Dark Mark, there will be no such chance again."

When he rose his glass to her she knew, she had won. For now.

* * *

**A windy night at a deserted beach in Greece**

Aerwyna stared at the waves, reflecting the twinkling stars, and smiled. She had her arms wrapped around herself as the wind had gotten stronger over the day and she hadn't bothered to put on her cloak.

"Are you cold?", his deep, voice rocked through her as he wrapped his arms around her waist, pressing himself against her back. It send a pleasurable shiver down her spine.

"Not anymore", she whispered back, brushing her lips against his.

He reacted immediately by pulling her body tighter towards him and blowing feather light kisses across her neck. She mewled gently.

He smirked against her skin, what sent another shiver through her.

The tent was functional, with no unnecessary décor and neatly organized.

When her back hit the pillows and blankets, that served them as a bed, she had the same thought she had had every other time this had happened.

_Am I dreaming?_

It definitely felt like she was.

His hands did wonders to her, as they pushed her shirt apart, goose pumps rising on the exposed skin, both from cold and anticipation.

When his lips found her breast, the first moan escaped her lips and she arched into him, burying her hands in his hair.

As he didn't stop playing with her, she grew more and more impatient and rolled them over, straddling him. His hands on her hips were strong and he smirked once more at her flushed appearance.

The smirk froze on Severus face, when she slipped her hands into his trousers and squeezed.

Aerwyna could have laughed the perfect 'o' his lips formed, if not one thought had manifested in her mind.

_I'll never stop loving you._

She thought about the countless other times, they had done this since they were on the journey. They avoided the sunlight and would never talk about what had happened during the night. Both of them knew, that it didn't mean they were together as a real couple.

They were together as two friends seeking closeness. At least for Severus.

Aerwyna shook these thoughts off by ripping his shirt apart and trailed kisses up his neck, ending at his mouth.

The sensation of his lips and tongue against hers rocked her entire body and she started to grind against him, causing both of them to gasp.

Soon enough Severus laid her down on the blankets again and both removed their own remaining clothes. It was always like this, giving the other still the chance to run.

He kissed her gently this time, caressing her cheeks as he made them one.

His hips moved agonizingly slow and she wriggled beneath him, desperate for more friction.

"Severus", she gasped.

He hummed against her shoulder, but another smirk formed o his lips.

"Se-", she started again, but suddenly he slammed into her with such force, she buried her nails in the skin of his back and scratched him.

He growled and bit down, leaving a mark above her collarbone.

She encouraged him by moving her hips against his and he fell back into the fast, hard pace, staring at her face as he worked her up higher and higher.

Aerwyna wrapped her legs around him, locking them above his ass and causing him to groan as he went deeper than before.

The moment he licked up her ear lobe and squeezed her butt, she knew she was lost.

Her body started to shudder forcefully, while he pounded into her.

She opened her mouth to a silent scream, squeezing her eyes shut and let go.

Flying up and crashing down.

Her toes curled, her nails scratched, her neck twisted and the sensation exploded.

When she came back to her senses, Severus was still lying above her, his arms wrapped around her body. She wrapped hers around his hips, entangling their legs further as he pulled a blanket over them.

Aerwyna smiled, when she fell asleep. She knew, that she wouldn't let go for the night.

* * *

They had travelled further East and were currently at a small inn, that belonged to a village, squeezed between two mountains.

Severus brushed his teeth, while Aerwyna admired his naked torso, as an owl tapped against the window. It was small and grey, ordinary.

Aerwyna took the letter and opened it.

Her heart lost track and she thought she might collapse.

"What is it? Wyna!", he hurried over to her, but she just handed him the parchment and turned to seek hold on the window sill.

_Lily was dead._


End file.
